I’m a list maker. I have a list for work and for home. It’s sort of a requirement now because of what I call “brain overload”. Some things never make it to paper though, those intangible, circling, thinking fears. Do you have some?
If you had a “Fearlist” what would it say? Would it list hopes and dreams you see others enjoying; yet, can’t see happening for you? Would it include anxiety over loss? Do you agonize over the picture in your mind of the uncertainties of your childrens’ future? Are you like me, and have a vivid imagination over what could happen the minute they’re not planted safely in their rooms?
Here’s the thing about this particular “fearlist”…there’s no way to scratch some of this stuff off with the rewarding slash through with a red pen! These big fears just don’t go away by us “doing” “fixing” or “forcing our outcomes”. I often look at my fears over my children and visualize that list. I can almost see myself sitting calmly surrounded by an “all is right in my world aura”. When I think about that, it’s really sort of comical because there’s no way to ever know everything that could or will be!
So, this morning Heather and I will take a “day trip” to Georgia. We’ll talk about all sorts of stuff: her dreams, my tendency to worry, her brother, her students, our days living in the country, God.
We may talk about wedding decor for my nephew’s wedding or whether we think my cousin will ever marry. We might talk about graduate school or her hopes to be a mama one day and the names she has chosen for her children. She’ll refuse to tell me the names, because she is adamant that she wants no one to “steal the names”. My favorite part will be when she reminds me I can retire and be a “Nana”.
We’ll be talking about hopes, not fears.
Later, I’ll check in with my son (who is on the cusp of manhood) to be as certain as possible of his plans. There’s a new person in the picture. This person is a beautiful young woman, so I am learning to navigate a new season…again, I’ll ask about plans for tonight and carefully open my mind to new social get togethers with friends, reminding myself, ” just a few months ago, you were afraid he was an introvert” . I’ll advise without criticism and I’ll pay attention without obsessing…I’ll do what my son suggested that I do last night…”Calm down, mama.”
What’s on your fearlist? For me, it’s always the opposite of my hope list. My hope list including accomplishments, rewards, simple joys…nothing outlandish like lottery, wealth, or mansions!
Really, Lisa? Why are you so afraid? Why is the denial of these precious, happy blessings of sweet things even an option? GOD LOVES YOU, LISA!
Lisa, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOUR GRACIOUS AND SOVEREIGN GOD?
Cease striving and know that He is God. Psalm 46:10
PRAY, pray, Pray…open honest…tell it to Jesus, all the fears you have on your “Fearlist”. The ones you’re embarrassed to share…I have my list, do you?
I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me, freeing me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
“CALM DOWN, MAMA.”