A couple of days ago, a friend and I left a meeting together, both wondering how on earth we ever thought of adding another duty to our platter.

We share similar expectations in our vocations, of ourselves, and the people we supervise, the families we help.

We work hard, we are honest, we do what we say we will and we provide a safe and positive setting for our staff and those we serve.

So, how is it we find ourselves sitting in the parking lot on a Tuesday night exhausted and feeling frustrated?

She said it, I had been feeling it. “I am ineffective.”  I nodded, and assured by the way God had orchestrated this little venting session, said “That’s exactly what I said to myself all weekend!” I shared my conclusion that, for me, it’s the fact that I pour my heart and soul into my work; going so far as to tell the women I serve that very thing. Telling my staff and clients,  “I feel disheartened when the good things we do and can do are rejected.”  I told my friend, that’s the kicker for me…the talking ’til you’re blue in the face and yet staring at puzzled, even bemused faces. I tell everyone around me,  “Listen, we can help, if you’ll just accept our help. Sure, there are rules to obey and a structured path, but it will be worth it in the end!”

I wonder if that’s how Jesus felt? All the miraculous, astoundingly good things he performed and foretold and yet his closest companions, his team, his support system fell asleep in the critical moments. Those who had listened and embraced him were now about to witness his excruciating sacrifice. I wonder if Jesus felt, “My disciples know my Father’s plan, I can count on them.” I wonder if Jesus felt like an ineffective leader as he watched his disciples sleeping in the garden, sweat drops like blood streaming his face as He prayed, ” Father, not my will, but yours.”

I wonder if that’s how God feels about us sometimes, looking down, saying ” I told them there’d be troubles, I told them there’d be blessings. I told them to follow me, in the valleys, resting in green pastures.I told to follow me, to trust me.”

“I told them to rest, to be still and know that I am God and to find  quiet places to pray.”

Lord help me to surrender my vocation, my words, my walk, my frustrations to you…so that Your will, not mine be done, at home, with friends, with the “beaten-down by bad choices” women I encounter. Not MY will, but yours.

I will Follow.

 

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