What if we used our “inside voices”? Not that voice that means, speak softly, don’t yell…the one that would speak the ramblings and longings of our souls. What would it sound like, what would we say?
People call me the voice of reason. I’ve been told I’m a good listener and that I give good, honest advice. It’s really just a culmination of career, life, and lots of alone time thinking that equipped me, I think. Still, I have questions,doubts, conflicts, fears that circle around at times yet linger unspoken. My discontented thoughts are commonplace lately causing me to linger on the pictures in my mind of how my life should be, what I desire.
Desires like writing instead of working; being a mom who stays home; taking time to prepare meals; signing up for art lessons; or on the spur of the moment painting the den…don’t we all want different, better, more?
I envision a redo of the guest room, a loveseat added, bed removed, soft dove colors, a desk, a lamp…all positioned for random glances towards open windows. I dream of this in fact and then get moody knowing I have a job, demanding and valuable. I covet the lives of writers who in my mind, dip rather than hurriedly down coffee in their quiet little, decorator friendly abodes. Don’t we all think other’s lives are exactly as we imagine and so much better than our own?
So, tonight as I walked…cool breeze, amazing soundtrack in my ears…not my typical deeply, soul-searching lyrics; but, happy songs about joy and precious love of God…I was able to switch that mindset from “cannot continue” to ” keep trying, keep trusting, change will come when it should.”
I thought of this scripture (not sure of book, chapter and verse). My God will provide a way out…Will not allow me to be tempted more than I can handle.
What this means to me is….I am still where God wants me. My “for such a time as this” is still this time, this place, this vocation.
And I remind myself, that God knows me and my inside voices of good, bad, moody, dissatisfied, doubtful, and exhausted and that he keeps on loving me and keeps His promises!
Yet, I am confident that I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Psalm 27: 13-14