It’s an odd thing sometimes the way I find myself thinking about words. Sometimes my daughter will look at me as if to say “Where on earth did you pull that word from?” I imagine I’m not the only person who likes to discover just the right words.
Yesterday, I found myself in a state of mind, a place in my various challenges that felt “flat”. Nothing was happening the way I wanted. I had added a jog interval to my walk; but my weight hadn’t changed. I submitted a story for publication; yet had not seen it in print. I asked my husband to do something out of his routine; yet,it had fallen on deaf, distracted ears. I talked about a change at work, clarifying my expectations and everything is the same.
There are things my children are on the cusp of. Things they have worked for, accomplishments worked towards, dreams, happy life events that are “lining up” for them. I’m waiting in line, alongside them, expectantly; but, with maternal “what ifs”. It’s not a good place to be, this plateau, this flat, barren place of questioning.
All day long, I kept thinking…something good, let me see something good. It felt like a holding pattern…not so much a valley…a plateau.
Stuck on nowhere, waiting in the mundane and acknowledging a feeble, less than ever hope.
The plateau is at least not the valley. The valley is wrought with despair, with complacency, with sorrow. The plateau is a frustrating place. It’s a place of knowing what could be, just not when. It’s a “hands tied” place where the only thing to do is wait. So, what happens when the plateau borders the valley?
I crawled into bed and I said my prayers; but, this time with tears streaming of release, surrender, need. Not sure what to pray, just a real need to connect, I prayed “Show me the good, show me your glory. I will wait and surrender every outcome to your will; but Lord show just a glimpse of the beauty, the blessing you’re preparing.” And then I slept and I woke , renewed, refreshed, and resigned. My Lord is good and His mercies are new every morning.
I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and You care about the anguish of my soul. Psalm 31:7