Day 13, yesterday, of the 31 Days of Writing challenge and the writing became the thing I dread most, a competition, a race, a comparison of lives.
Yesterday’s post was true. It was accurate. It conveyed the facts of the effects of abuse on women. I hit publish and I met my daily goal. That is all, and for me, that’s a shame.
Devoid of emotion though, a big facade for what really occurred between two women with a history of abuse.
To me, it wasn’t even creative… a misuse of the joy of putting words together as a story.
I was able to elaborate to some extent the feelings of remembering abusive behaviors.
My description of the events were true.
A summary is all, though.
If the story had been authentic it may have included details into why I relate so well to a woman afraid to give notice to an angry employer for fear of anger, screaming, disapproval. But, it wasn’t a story of fear or courage, or any emotion really.
It was shallow.
Earlier this week, I had an epiphany of sorts.
I have these often lately. Perhaps it’s my age. Maybe it’s the exposure of such diverse struggle in my job. Probably, my age… chronological and life experience age with a big heaping of godly conviction steadily growing more evident.
I feel good about that conviction.
I care more about truth than approval. More about honesty than popularity.
It seems I’m becoming more and more discerning as to purpose and path.
Guided by God, I am convinced.
My epiphany, my strong and profound, lingering thought involved authenticity.
I proclaimed via Facebook: “I am thinking alot about living authentically and purposefully for God…a commitment to be consistent in living what I believe, to leave a legacy.”
Morbid? No, not for those who know my heart. My sister liked it. She knows my heart.
So, here’s a commitment to self and God: more writing from the heart, unfiltered God-placed stories of grace, of courage, of struggle, of peace and redemption.
Effortless and authentic
Apologies to all who saw right through the empty, although descriptive and articulate words of yesterday.
I’m back on track.