I was anxious and grouchy last night (again).
Worried about how I might look today, needing a haircut, needing the right outfit, needing not to be discombobulated and nerved out!
I had an important speech to give about our important work with homeless families. I needed to quiet the chubby, shy, girl and become the professional, outspoken and articulate woman.
Man, that can be a challenge lately!
Problem is I had to be up at 5:15 on my 55th birthday.
I was grouchy going to bed and most likely annoying everyone around me discussing my changing appearance and my fatigue.
For weeks I had been announcing that I would be “double nickels” to the point of most everyone wishing it had come and gone. No matter what my husband said, I would snap back, “I see the changes, there’s no need to tell me it’s not true.”
“I have a mirror, I am really aging. I might let my words get ahead of my thoughts. I either talk too fast or my slow southern drawl kicks in. And my hair, oh, I need a haircut. Cover the arms, elongate the neck, keep my hands still, keep my shoulders back…they’re recording this for the campaign, it’s important!” I said.
“You’ll be fine. I’m sorry you have so much stress on your birthday.” he said.
I needed to sleep last night.
But, too much noise, thinking, planning, and doubting kept me awake. I had one of those nights when the alarm is actually good, at least the struggle is over. Finally permission to give up on drifting into more than a few minutes of sleep. First thought this morning? A song, a happy little upbeat song
Lying there in the quiet, early morning darkness, a set of lyrics phrase popped up and I’ve been celebrating all day this permission to have a happy birthday.
Words from a song I stopped to hear on Sunday, turned it up loud glad to hear it again, twice on Monday. Car singing, shameless stoplight karaoke:
“No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless”
So I navigated my morning with the words becoming more real with each repetition. The gift of a song you can’t get our of your head, the message of grace, of God’s opinion of me on my birthday and every day.
What a gift, to be seen as flawless. The cross has made me flawless.
Short of time, no leisurely coffee sipping couch morning; I scribbled a quick journal entry prayer marked 8/11
Lord, help this be the year I truly see me as you do. Help me to embrace the me that you would have me be, made me to be.”
I remembered a special gift then. I paused to notice the words on the pretty little cross, slowing down to recall the verse.
18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Ephesians 3:18-19
The meeting was good. I made it on time. I choose a bright pink dress instead of beige or black and I used words that made sense! My hands were still and people were attentive. I used words that made sense, and were impactful.
The right words at the right time are a blessing according to the Book of Proverbs…another gift!
“The presentation, the organizer of the event said, was flawless.”
“Thank you, Lord for words to songs, words on crosses. Thank you, Mercy Me and you, Lord, for the intricacies of my mind. For planting a song in my mind and on my heart today, a birthday song.”
A song of “Good morning, Lisa. Remember you are flawless.”
“Could it possibly be
That we simply can’t believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless.”
Read more: Mercy Me – Flawless Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Happy Birthday, me!
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee