I walked again on the beach this morning. The birds were gathered, foamy white gathered at their feet.
The air was cold, crisp and damp.
Just a few people out, dogs, toddlers and joggers.
I’d grabbed a jacket, thrown on over T-shirt and pajama pants; my only thought, just to walk on the shore.
I’m thinking now, what freedom…to be unconcerned about appearance, seeking only to be filled, fulfilled, connected to God.
I’m not quite sure if it’s age or wisdom or wisdom because of age.
I care a little less about appearance in comparison to other women; still, not nearly enough yet.
I sat next to and walked amongst throngs of women this weekend. All moms of a Citadel cadet, all shown up, fixed up.
There to see ours sons, while looking at each other.
Beautiful women, tall, thin, heavy, dressy, sporty, dresses, shorts jeans, heels, flats, fancy sunglasses, perfect hair, ponytails and buns.
Women, looking for sons and looking at each other.
I was an overweight teenager. I spent hours looking at Glamour magazines, longing to be thin, pretty, a “Glamour do”.
I learned to starve. I learned to starve more and I had more clothes than most, yet never enough.
I lived this way for too many years.
I sat just behind a woman about my age this weekend in a football stadium. I fixated again, it had been awhile. I found myself longing for all she seemed to be.
Her purse, its label, one that comes with a price..around $599.00
I noticed her wristwatch, casually resting against a delicate gold bracelet. Her jeans were smooth in texture, a fabric akin to dry cleaned slacks. Her thin belt, a correspondent to flat leather shoes.
Her cardigan, loose on shoulders fit perfectly to show the subtle gold looped chain that centered itself against crisp white top. Her earrings, thin hoops of gold accented her cheekbones and spoke of casual femininity.
I thought, ” I’d really love a watch like that.”
I’ve not had opportunity to splurge. I’ve not been afforded with riches or income that allow spending without concern.
I’ve become content in the extravagance of a mom who wants her children to have more. I have seen goodness, the goodness of enough, of God.
So, I sat there in the stadium and I thought in a new way, to visualize her riches on me. I wondered if life might be better.
I saw myself wearing her watch. Rising from my seat, reaching for the soft leather of her purse, my purse. I pictured me in her outfit; I imagined my face framed by soft cardigan and pretty earrings…
And I realized; clearly, nothing changed. I am me.
She is she.
This morning, I read only one devotion, my routine different because of travel. I read from Jesus Calling.
I read of God illumined in me, of His gift in me…Beautiful.
In me, with me. I gently laid the feather found. This one, washed and covered in gritty sand.
I settled it there to rest.
Battered and imperfect, redeemed.
For it is not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you have been redeemed . I Peter 1:18
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee to Tell His Story.