Tonight I met someone offended by faith. I didn’t know right away that their belief in not believing was a factor in their frustration.
I didnt know until I had begun to say goodbye and discovered in a random few words, they were devoid of faith, had decided to go it alone, were steadfast in their rebellion of its embrace.
Last night, I read a blog written by someone who’d decided the searching and seeking for God was a wasteful plummet into never quite good enough, never ever anything other than disgrace in the face of grace. I remember that lack, that lost.
The writer had decided to not be wrangled any longer,had decided to throw off the burden of impossible aspiring towards the good grace of God.
I thought of them both, I thought of the stubborn decision to not believe…to refuse to waver in their close fisted, closed mind and closed heart deciding to be independent of God.
I know God is in my days, in my details. I know my life before believing, when fear of measuring up led me to be convinced that believing was a venture down a path with no assurance of ever having a chance of arriving.
I remember those days of looking for God but not seeing Him.
I remember searching, being lost.
Worried he might see me, unaware that he always had and that what He saw He knew already.
Seeing God, believing God is nothing more, yet so much more than can be explained.
It’s encounter. It’s acceptance of being made, fearfully, wonderfully, knowingly and purposefully.
It’s yearning to walk with Him because you’ve walked without Him, without knowing His Son and believing in His mercy, accepting Him and His grace.
But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. I Corinthians 15:37
God is not an explanation, a reporting of data driven research.
God is relationship. God is personal.
God is a tender force, ever present, beckoning us to turn, to trust, to linger, to be at peace.
I paused to notice the flowers tucked in the shrubbery. The dog was patient as I stopped, thinking what is this bloom, not honeysuckle; there was no vine.
The fragrance of the bloom reminding of my days on dirt roads my children holding hands. I thought, how amazing is our earth that even blooms are family, even scents are in communion?
This is why I believe in God. Because my soul knows very well.
Moments like this, an evening walk, a blooming tiny flower and the timeliness of all of it
All at once to be noticed by me, by God.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. How wonderful are your works.
My soul knows it very well.
Psalm 139: 14
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee. Here’s a wonderful post about giving and generous acts unexpected: