Yesterday I uttered, “Grief is insidious and mean.” when my cousin told me about her loss, her husband’s loss of his mother.
Grief is insidious.
It’s sneaky and mean. It lingers long.
It slips away quietly and comes back without invitation.
Today, eighteen years ago, my daddy died.
18 years is a long time. It’s a span that allows little boy to become a man, little girl to become beautiful wife and a daughter to become more brave.
We shouldn’t be surprised by grief over people of such significance, our mamas our daddies, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, cousins or friends.
Our immeasurable love and connection deserve nothing less than a significant remembering, even if hard, heavy and solemn.
So, today I grieve my daddy well and with significance in my gaze towards the world around me.
I look for him. See him in my children and in me. Know him in my thoughts, reactions and stubborn mindset.
Grief is onerously huge; but, I won’t sink into its miry isolation.
I’ll let it be big today…as big as it wants.
A heaping measure equivalent to my love.
Big but not scary…just big enough to never forget.
My cousin texted me just now. Today’s her mama’s birthday. She really misses her, she added. I texted her back, in awe of God’s timing, both of us grieving over a parent.
“I have had grief on my mind since we talked yesterday and today, 18 years ago, daddy died. My thoughts were, grief is huge…how on earth can we expect any different when we are flesh of their flesh and after all, love is so big!? It’s bigger than fear and I will choose to make it bigger than grief. Happy Birthday in Heaven, Aunt Birdie!!!”
Grief, be big today.
As big as love and its lessons.
Lessons like never lie, quiet people are thinking people and words aren’t always necessary just for the sake of talking.
My daddy was a quiet man.