I have a friend who is a therapist, yoga instructor and a quite beautiful singer. Her voice is smooth, her tone steady and open to my turning.
She talks about trauma like David thought of Goliath.
As if to say, “I know you’re lurking, come at me, I’m stronger than you know.”
Oh, the mind filled messes we all hide away, stuff under the bed or way, way back in the dark corner of our dusty attic minds…
Thinking, “I know you’re still there; but, I have no need for you whatsoever…stay up there, away, I know you; but, have no need to bring you out.”
Trauma and memory, fine ’til they can’t rest and start to dance together, way past midnight in our dreams.
Last night, I watched a movie. Rare for me because I despise the “F word” and I have no desire for sex that looks like proud display of nastiness and shame.
The movie, “Woman in Gold” and the actor a strong and determinedly beautiful woman scarred by the siege of Hitler.
The one scene, the one that stirred up my thoughts, she is afraid to go back and remembers fleeing before being taken prisoner.
She melts down. I saw it in her eyes, Helen Mirren portraying trauma splendidly well.
She faced it. It was so very debilitating, just for a few seconds.
She knew her giant.
Would not concede.
I dreamt in color of scary things last night, of being held captive, of being harmed.
It was clear and real. It was a true story, true of my story.
Still, I woke and said to myself.
You know the reason for the dream. You know the games your mind plays either you let it become filled with the messes or you pause to be mindful of its seed.
I thought of my friend as I practiced mindfulness and rose to begin my day unscarred by the night and its thoughts.
Birds singing to celebrate the early bloom of forsythia and azalea, of hope, truth and quiet confidence.
Feathers found reminding of grace singing over me.
Filling my mind with things to grab hold to, store up, win battles with.
I’m linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee who is changing the way I see “happy”.