I woke with no set agenda and allowed myself the luxury of slowly becoming wide awake.
I’m thinking a new thing today, I keep singin’ “Free your mind and the rest will follow…”
Because, yesterday a change began to be considered. I’d taken a step, asked for feedback, been honest over my angst.
Been brave about my being afraid.
Ever the one seeking approval, yearning for affirmation, I had become overwhelmed by advisors, critical thinkers, step takers and this is how, let me show you contacts!
I told the consultant I was overwhelmed by measuring up, by following recommendations and by being good enough in the eyes of others.
I took a step. I discerned who to believe. Made perfect sense, she knew a little of me, why not show her more?
I was honest. She listened and responded with a tangible and godly plan:
i) Has become a little overwhelmed by the whole process of writing and the whole process(1) Too many voices clamoring into her head.
(2) A lot of peer pressure
(a) A lot of other good writers out there
(3) SUGGESTION: Turn off the other voices (unsubscribe, choose not to engage in self-imposed expectations) and just write the manuscript.
ii) Doubting God’s will
(1) Does not want to glorify herself
(2) Does not want to shed light on the trauma
(a) There are some dark times she had forgotten
(b) Does not want to bash
(c) Does not want to remind her family of the hurt
iii) SUGGESTION: Just Write. Do not let the fear of saying too much keep you from writing. Everything can be edited.
So, this morning I stopped counting at 30, the choice to unsubscribe to all of my advisors on writing. I’ve honed it down to five.
I’ll follow the advice of Stephanie Haynes
(oh, I believe it’s a God thing, her name, her frame, her role) and I’ll become independent in my writing. I’ll not hold back. I’ll pour out my heart with the goal of rough draft by July of 2018.
I reminded myself today of the meaning of independence, of freedom; but, most fitting, I believe is autonomy: the freedom from external control.
This is where I am this morning, I’m shutting out the voices of too many well meaning and informed advisors and I’m making room to hear my own voice more clearly, more freely, more unafraid.
More ready to shine my light unhindered by comparison or critique.
“”You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
Matthew 5:14-16 ESV