This thing I do, getting lost in words and paint, is not at all the work of my hands, but of His.
“And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand.”
Isaiah 64:8 NLT
I can barely move this morning, huge canvas laid out on the floor last night, I set aside the angel commissions, set my sights on something I thought might be quite special.
Painting and repainting, my knees sore from kneeling, my back aching from reaching, my hands covered in blue grey beige brown paint, thick.
I will begin again today. Have already, spent unhurried time in my Bible and in the book I'm reading, Draw the Circle 40 Day Prayer Challenge, a book I've decided won't be set aside come Day 40.
I'll paint today. This time I'll tie my apron, I'll be less hurried. I will let it be or not yet, perhaps I'll finish the angels I've promised before getting upset over the landscape or maybe it will be today, I finish, hang it on the waiting wall.
Day 23 of Draw the Circle prayer challenge is about God saying No to prayers, then answering with a Yes that came from a Not Yet. I am horrible at waiting when it comes to anything that requires I do my part. I painted for five hours straight last night. It was miserable, there was no joy, there was aggravation, frustration and refusing to stop until it was done. Stubborn determination. Then it was done and was nothing at all like I'd hoped. I was disappointed. I had an idea, a perfect place for landscape, rearranged one whole wall and now it's waiting for me, the sun coming in and giving me a new idea.
I'll try again today, but this time with an easy hand, an accepting brushstroke and I'll wait again before I get all wrapped up and forget to eat, forget to rest. I'll not make it an idol, the measure or not of my worth.
The space may be vacant until it is right for what's good to be finished.
My circle today has multiple thick lines circling my thing I'm committed to continue.
Another circle has tiny words, names, needs and prayers for incomprehensible peace. I've taken to praying this way, filling one with others and one with a solitary request for me: things like peace, courage, clarity, and revelations.
Asking God, "Show me the way, make clear your desires for these things you've graced me with the ability to do."
The Circle with others, well I may never know, but I'm praying mighty things for people, things undeniably from God.
Waiting for the promises, trusting in the Father. Being okay with No and at peace with Not yet.
Letting the work of my hands be led by the maker of them.