The tiny houseplant was a gift to my daughter as a teacher. Its little pot barely containing the roots, yet I pull it from the pretty little pot, give it water and its leaves lift up and persist, my home, its home now.
Not sure why it’s taken so long to decide, to decide it needed room to grow and lifted it from the flimsy black pot and dig deep down the soil already waiting in a container that contained something planted before that would not for the life of me grow.
Moved the tender tiny clinging still plants to the border and I placed the philodendron (maybe) in the center and just because, I put the ceramic sparrow there, to rest and to watch with me, the new place the plant will grow.
“Revive me according to Your lovingkindness, So that I may keep the testimony of Your mouth.”
Psalms 119:88 NASB
I changed my morning spot, baffled over why I’d not thought to do so before.
Uncrowded now, the succulents are next to the others, two fat containers of thick odd things that grow best left alone. I’ll nourish this new planting, watch it flourish, see how it will go.
What a proud reply I’d been quick to give, popping back like an annoyingly cute little toddler pulling on the fabric of someone’s shirt, insisting on attention.
Interrupting all other conversation, anxious to be addressed, noticed, allowed to be the star of her own show.
“Me, me, Me!”
I was determined to be sure others knew I was there.
My confident reply even if no one asked, “I’m just gonna take every single opportunity I get to write.”
Their faces, sometimes awkward smiles and oh, okay, go you kinda responses.
Their reactions puzzled a little as if “This is different, who is this person?”
What began as an answer to prayer sort of sneakily meandered it’s way to obsession and half-hearted and hurried completion.
Let me tell you, Jesus was merciful in not allowing me to make a bigger mess of it. Clearly, a couple of columns, a few pieces were written two hours before deadline and what I know for sure.
It was only grace driven by God’s design of my days that He not me made sense, brought it all together.
None of it my creation alone, still God allowed me such grace in the midst.
Cause my heart was not in it. Thank you, Lord,
Were it not for me telling you so, you might never know. might think there’s no need for you to know.
The answer came one morning, the understanding of and making right this time.
I thought that is it. I’m in the dormant stage. It’s not so lovely a word and not ever say or think with regularity.
I checked to see if I had it right. Did it mean doing nothing, did it mean an on purpose lack of plowing and cultivating of my writing soil?
Yes, dormant. Yes, latent. Letting things lie, all the while knowing I’d be back, they as well.
Yes, stepping away and letting the roots grow in their own.
Dormancy, a season of inactivity because opportunities had somehow become contradictory to opportunity and were heartless obligation.
Counterintuitive, my “ungrowing” season.
I believe it will be.
The minds that are alive to every word from God, give constant opportunity for His divine interference with a suggestion that may alter the courses of their lives…Richard H. Hutton, Joy and Strength
Next week I’ll write my final “Faith” column for the small town paper. I’ll say thank you to all who’ve read and I’ll welcome the new one, the one who’s waiting already for simply a time to grow.
Now, my hope feels unhindered and my pathway one of peace. I’ve not forgotten the morning God, that you told me of my treasure, the one you planted there to grow.
Meanwhile, my hope is in my ungrowing, my revival in my rest.
I believe, Lord. I believe.
“Uphold me according to your promise, that I may live, and let me not be put to shame in my hope!” Psalms 119:116 ESV
This post by Holly Gerth confirmed my assurance that it’s okay, okay to wait and see what God has for me.