I prayed and then I answered the questions of me, the ones that would be an introduction of me.
I’d been chosen as a featured artist.
But, on Wednesday, I’d decided it wasn’t to be and eventually settled into accepting that “It wasn’t time”.
And my stretch of running was longer, the trail bordered by new and unoccupied houses. The roots trying to burst through concrete making it necessary that I lift my feet in little jumps.
Down the last hill and I kept my pace, choosing the cul-de-sac lane farthest from eyes and running past the sprinklers misting my calves.
Frustration mixed with apathy, my fuel to press on.
Eventually, shifted to walking and the song in my ears said creation sings God’s praises and so should I.
The sky fat with puffs of gray and black shapes of birds darting across my path.
I said to myself what I felt in the sky.
“It’s not time.” I accepted this as truth. Simply, “It’s not time.”
Later, I recalled the conversation, her reply to my inquiry over my art not selling “It comes in spells.”
The clamor over my creations had faded.
I considered it becoming just a hobby, cover the walls with bright or subtle, simple or not. Or just stack ’em in the corners, have people say “Oh” when they stop by and I could say, “Here, take it, it’s yours.”
Joyless bartering for validation, the way I’d become.
I looked closely at the newest piece, still oily and moist, her expression was mine and yet, she was patient, more serene.
Aspirations and need for notice had begun to taint my treasure.
It was good to finally hear God and know there are still plans for my future.
“It’s not time.” I heard it again.
Then came Thursday and still waiting to hear from something still.
I walked around all day with a heavy sense of lost hope.
I was honest and told God first thing, I don’t know how to do the thing I thought I was made to do, how to do everything for your glory, not mine.
I was clear, I mean who really knows how to do these things, to surrender to His plan, to wait and not grow weary all the while feeling useless and filled with doubt?
It’s hard for me, I realized and I owned up to my not knowing how or if.
Then, I left that there with Him and I carried on still carrying my load a little.
Then I named it later, my apathy.
It was my “sense of possibility” I had lost.
Lying on the gym floor, staring at ceiling tiles and I figured it out, the loss of “possibility” thinking.
Round two, same thing, same tiles and this time a but…”you can do everything through Christ” and “everything is possible if you believe”.
How had I forgotten that promise and the one about all things through Him?
And Jesus said to him,
“‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” – Mark 9:23
Worn and sweaty, we stretch and we’re done.
I settle in to my car and checking my phone for messages, none.
I go to my mail and my thumb moves quickly to swipe and delete junk and same old same ol’ and there it is…the reply,
the next step.
“…got your artwork and we’re excited to have you featured in the next edition. Just need you to answer these questions.”
It is time.
I said Thank you, Lord, no more, no less.
Prayed about my replies and replied.
Now it’s Friday and like every other evening, I unclasp my bracelet and remove my ring, take my earrings out and let them rest safely.
I reach for my watch and loosen the leather from the loop.
I lay them all down and I discover something new I’ve never seen, the underside of my watch’s face, in the center engraved.
A gift for my birthday from my daughter and son in law almost a year ago now and the words I’m so surprised to see, I call her and she says, “Yes, I had it engraved.”
Everything is beautiful
In its time.
Soon, I’ll share the pages of the publication that will be sharing my art and I’ll share my reply to the question of why and when and
how to continue in this craft, this treasure, this thing God made yours,
the words that came at just the right time.
Maybe others might need to know again.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. – Ecclesiastes 3:11
I’ll thank God for not ever letting me go, and for lessons and grace and more, on time.
I’ll cherish this happening of something I never thought likely and I will pray.
I will pray, I get better at waiting.