My mama never kept a journal or to my knowledge, wrote thoughts in a Bible.
So, I can’t say I “get that from my mama”.
She’d rather speak her truths to you, long conversations with time in between her phrases to let what she’d given you sink in. Look you in the eye or leave something with you and look away, walk away like that’s it, now I’m puttin’ a period there.
I believe every single thing she ever said.
Lots of times there was no acceptable reply, either she’d put me in my place or I had to just keep my mouth shut and let the sometimes unwelcome truth sink in.
She was resilient.
She believed in the possibility of everything working out for good despite so much wrong she endured.
She rarely quoted scripture, just paraphrased God’s truths in her own no holds barred way. Some would call it irreverent, her language was generous with cuss words.
I don’t think she aspired to write and I rarely recall a book in her lap, she’d rather be one with people, one with life.
She talked about books in a different way, telling me “turn the page, Lisa Anne.” when I kept mulling over some misdeed or misfortune.
She was quick to give her commentary on all that might be wrong or someone’s crazy choices or just mean motives.
She’d say “They’re not reading the right book or they’re not on the same page.”
I know she had a Bible. I know because it was mine and towards the end of her days I noticed it moved from the stack of old Southern Living magazines to the place in front of her where she’d fall asleep with the noise of Fox news.
I know she believed. I know she wanted us all, the four of us to always believe.
To pray, believing more often than beckoning or begging.
To smile, thinking how far we’ve all come and how far she and daddy got to see us go and grow.
Yesterday, I had an encounter with someone who has changed. A distant person who acknowledged her resistance towards relationship, she stopped by to give me a book.
She had a cold, I’d had to same one, I shared. She let me hug her and she hugged me back.
We walked out and I told her she’d reminded me of a new favorite word, “countenance”.
She was puzzled, said she had never heard it before and I told her I thought it might be biblical but that it’s such a beautiful word, a beautiful thing to see.
I explained that it means to me, your sweet soul is shining through, the change in expression showing so pretty on your face.
She thanked me twice, and more.
I thanked her for stopping by.
Thanking her and God now for reminding me of my mama.
Reminding me to choose believing.
Believing God is so very good.
“Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.””
John 16:32-33 ESV
And to “live life today”, and then tomorrow live and believe again as you “turn the page”.
My mama’s stubborn resilience and God’s unwavering and believable peace and grace, I’m believing in both today.