Have you ever known a leaf to sprout from a tiny brand new planted seed?
A seed like the ones we planted in paper Dixie cups and watched to see the bright tiny green come up from the black dirt?
The butter bean plant would sprout and then we’d watch granddaddy put it in the ground to wait expectantly for the beans.
Waiting back then was so sweet, shellin’ peas and beans and pulling up dirt covered peanuts to pluck them from the green stems as we sat in the back of an old truck.
And later with dirty hands and bliss, we’d eat huge bowls of briny deliciousness.
Maybe children understand process, maybe waiting was learned through simple participation.
Anticipation was not anxious, it was more moving a little closer to what we’d grown to know.
On Monday, God offered an option, pointed me towards a reprieve from my incessant seeking to hurry up and become what I had yet to see.
Pending needs were not being met by responses from others.
Getting things done meant waiting for others to deliver on their part to me.
Then Tuesday came like a gift of a day and I accepted it like the joy it was indeed.
I let unfinished business lie in the places I’d left it, the tasks, the obligations, my initiations towards finishes.
I stood in my morning kitchen and stared at my feet.
Fascinated by the calm colors, the image of me, steady and still, planted.
Told myself, today is for the baby, baby Elizabeth and your girl.
It was a good day for sure!
And now, here’s half a day gone, middle of the week Wednesday.
I’m at a standstill, a snail’s pace, dependent on others.
My to do list with no new strikethroughs!
Unfinished tasks on my mind and underfoot and uncertainty over the current vagueness of my vocation.
Paint, write, assist, consult…which way, which road?
Dropping hints about my skills and being available, my multiple seeds.
“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” Jesus
Have you ever considered “waiting and trusting” a sacrifice?
The sacrifice God wants is my trust, for me not to meander away from who He says I am in futile attempts to hurry up and be a better version of me.
Have you let God plant you in the soil He intends to grow you or do you resist what seems like nothing, impatient and worried?
Has your identity changed, what you were known for been taken, now different?
Does it feel as if your thing you thought was yours has been stolen?
Is it hard to see that God has better for you because you’re so attached to before?
To accomplishing much?
My mama used to say “Turn the page.”
God is saying, I think to me, “Plant new seeds.”
He knows you, knows me. His ways are deeper and higher. His soil is richer.
Know Him, know the best version of you.
Also on Monday, I discovered I have 820 blog posts out in the world.
I have no desire to perform any sort of comparative analysis of me when I began and the me I am now.
I sure hope I’ve stayed honest through them all, that if I leaned toward know it all or cutesy commentary that the handful of readers gave me mercy back then.
And the ones who hung around when I wrote about loving the sky and the sounds of the birds.
No worries, that Lisa Anne is still here.
Here on this Wednesday when I’m at a loss over what to do for an income.
No set vocation and it’s noon and my husband just stood in the doorway to say…”You’re still in your pajamas…”
He smiled when I answered “Yes, things are not coming together again today.”
Strangely for him, he offered no suggestion. He let it rest.
And as he left the room to cut grass or hedges I reminded myself the third day in a row, you’ve done your part, just wait for God to take it wherever it is meant to go.