“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
On Monday, the weather was cool and all day long, the sky was grey with thick theatrical draping, the clouds seemed so heavy.
I watched through the windows that day, we stayed inside.
A beautiful bird visited.
If we’d have ventured out, we might have walked for miles, found ourselves in the place where the cornfield was being cut down.
We might have worried the neighborly man plopped in the big machinery, the one who’d been working all morning tending his field.
You could hear it all day muffled, way off from the back porch, the machinery and the voices, someone giving instructions.
A pause and then the noise of work again.
Getting the season’s work done.
If Monday morning had been led by different thoughts, I would have jumped from the couch, waking up a startled and half asleep five month old.
She, most likely would have gazed towards me and her blue eyes would have softened all at the same time they met the face of mine, her grandma.
She would have smiled.
We might have hurried out onto the porch. I’d have had her little bottom cupped under my arms, holding tight in the way I like to hold her.
The way that lets her see the whole wide world.
We might have watched and then kept seeking, walking quickly and carefully into the open field.
But, we didn’t.
We didn’t go chasing hoping to be closer to what got my attention.
We didn’t follow and end up lost in the deep country woods.
A hawk was on the porch that morning.
Elizabeth slept and I saw it. It lingered only long enough for me to see its shadow and the broad wing.
I only experienced the knowledge of its presence, not close enough to capture on my phone and share or to sit close beside.
The hawk made its presence known.
I noticed God.
We rested, didn’t go off crazy chasing a photo for Instagram.
I was content that the grand bird was near.
That’s how God is.
You will see, not everything all at once, tiny glimpses and assuring hints.
Things you will never fully know.
Touch or see up close.
God is always near.
On Tuesday, the day was different, warm and bright blue.
We walked down pine needle littered trails and the baby dozed while I pushed through dry dirt down the familiar road.
We ended up at the back porch and her eyes opened when I rested. The snoozing baby awakened, looked up.
We lingered outside long enough to see the wide and majestic dark wings against the heavens.
The hawk returned and was content above us and us, content below.
I’m moving slower now.
The vertigo episode of a couple of weeks ago with no determined cause requires a thoughtful pace.
I still am humbled by it all, the way of God getting my notice.
Causing me to take nothing for granted.
Strange, the lesson of it, the clean bill of physical health causing consideration of mental.
It makes no other sense.
A word came, “frenetic”.
A word I do not think I’d ever used.
As I thought it, eventually said it, it felt extreme.
After all, I am retired, have no heavy responsibilities or pressured roles.
Or do I?
I worry that my hope will run out of time, be cut off.
The list I made today, it surprised me, pressure self imposed.
The idea of do everything now, you are aging, you might never see your dream come true, the dream of your private soul, the ones involving art
And words. The ones your mind is all tangled up in, dangerously entangled maybe.
fast and energetic in a rather wild and uncontrolled way “a frenetic pace of activity”
Where was this pace?
In the place between my ears that led to that incapacitated dizziness?
I’m not sure what I’ll accomplish today.
It’s already mid morning.
I have many irons in the fire of my creative passion. Sparks are sparking, wheels turning.
Slow down, don’t let them fall off the rims, note to self.
I have a following now.
I have orders and commissions and I have writing opportunities.
I will proceed at a pace that doesn’t say wait or quit or run harder, just says keep going, keep going.
Pause and rest.
Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to. Don’t have it your way or nothing at all…you might find you’re moving too fast.
I love the mind God gave me.
One that writes stories of adventures that tell the tale of chasing after a hawk then settles itself for the lesson from God and verses…verses from the Bible and R&B, the “Book of TLC” and Simon and Garfunkel.
Slow down, Lisa Anne.
You move too fast…gotta make the morning last.
sing along now…
And a final one from my mama…
Stress’ll kill you. Bette Jean Peacock Hendrix