The sky opened in the distant corner.
No podcast this morning.
You are not a taker, You are only ever
Giving and drawing, seeking and calling. “Over us”
It only took words unsolicited for my fear over words to make sense.
I did not use my words as a little timid girl.
As a middle child buffering the childhood fights. Staying quiet, not adding to the noise. Only one person has ever given a word to my existence back then. She remembers me as “bewildered”. What relief that was when she told me, to find out after so long, someone had noticed.
As the teen who discovered her body and then lost it with food.
As a young woman who just didn’t tell because it seemed no one would listen.
And an older woman who continued not to tell and then found permission but got all kinds of bogged down in not telling because that’s what she knew.
Yesterday I read something I should quote but won’t because it’s so rich I fear I’d dishonor the writer, water down her revelations
Lessen the gift of it being shared by a blogger who calls my writing “gentle”.
Because the article led to a realization, this is why you don’t step out in the faith you now have.
You still do not think there will be listeners.
It takes a bit, has taken a bit.
You begin to believe differently.
You believe you have listeners and you may have actually had them back then, you just weren’t certain so you chose the safer solution, don’t tell, don’t need, stay quiet.
But your stories remain.
As do your listeners.
Continue. Continue and believe.
“Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble”
Psalms 107:2 ESV