Turn the Page

Abuse Survivor, Art, bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, doubt, Faith, freedom, hope, memoir, mercy, Redemption, traumatriggers, Vulnerability, wisdom

“And if anyone doesn’t listen to you and rejects your message, when you leave that house or town, shake the dust off your feet.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10:14‬ ‭TPT‬‬

I can hear it clearly. My mama would say “Turn the page.” and if necessary, repeated just those words.

Move one, let go, carry on kind of thinking, no need to linger here thinking of the wrong.

Waking Thoughts

I’ve learned to pay attention to waking thoughts. After filtering the crazy dreams (last night my mama was napping while someone else cooked supper, pork chops) I wait to see what resolution of yesterday’s woe comes to the surface.

A question came today, “Am I difficult to work with or were they?” An honest assessment of my part and another’s led me to realize, I’d done my part and they hadn’t. I could see this issue, unmet expectations in many areas of my life.

I’m not great at advocating for myself. It’s a learned behavior. I’m even less good at moving on past doors that didn’t welcome me.

I am learning this stems from unmet childhood needs and it’s a tough thing to identify, am I needy or are they not meeting my needs?

It’s a trauma wound and a trigger, a very good thing to know how it affects you and whether your appraisals of others are accurate or if you’re needing longed for acceptance.

“You’re very good at understanding your flaws.” someone told me.

Yes, I’ve gotten better and it has led to growth and wholeness. It has led to this truth and even more seeking:

“God will continue to bring people, circumstances, behaviors of others into your life until you consistently know the approval, acceptance, and applause of others will never compare to His love. Notice of others will never be enough, won’t last long, and often will disappoint. People who court you can’t always be trusted. People who promise may forget they promised and people will forget they knew you or might not open their door.”

Turn the page. Walk away. Walk towards God’s call.

Carry on.

Jesus told his disciples to shake the dust from their feet, head to a new city, away from those who didn’t receive them or their message.

You will not be accepted by everyone.

Be smart. Be astute observers. But, be gentle. It may be scary to “put yourself out there”. You’ll feel vulnerable, being vulnerable is a sign of authentic faith. Doing things you can’t see clearly resulting in acceptance or rejection.

Be remembered as kind and gentle; but, exercise the accuracy and wisdom God gave you.

If you’re rejected, continue on another way. But, don’t give up. (my takeaways)

“Now, remember, it is I who sends you out, even though you feel vulnerable as lambs going into a pack of wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes yet as harmless as doves.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10:16‬ ‭TPT‬‬

I write about what God brings me in my own process of healing from past trauma.

I write reluctantly often.

A voice on one side saying no one wants to hear that and another saying your honesty about your continued healing and clarity about your triggers and negative patterns may help someone else.

I write because I’m simply continuing as I believe in redemption through Jesus, a prettier story of hope and wisdom comes every single merciful morning.

I hope so for you too. Shake the dust of yesterday’s defeats off your shoulders and carry on.

Carry on today.

“He will guard and guide me, never letting me stumble or fall. God is my keeper; he will never forget nor ignore me.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭121:3‬ ‭TPT‬‬

2 thoughts on “Turn the Page

  1. Thank you for sharing your continued journey. Just yesterday, I was telling a friend that I realized that when God calls us to part, He is asking us to love the other person well and to receive His love ourself too. For, love speaks the truth, it does not lie or pretend to please, to avoid confrontation.

    And love gifts free will – not unhealthy attachments, but the choice to disagree and to part, where that disagreement means that staying would lay an expectation on one of you, to conform to the pattern of the other that deeply wounds your conscience and keeps you in bondage.

    I told my husband yesterday, that it’s only in the past few months that I have fully realized I have the power to choose. It was such a crazy realization for me: seeing how over and over again, I gave my free will away to “fit in” and “be good”, not realizing that that was never God’s intention. Free will is His gift to us and it’s where true love is born in relationship and not out of fear and control.

    Liked by 1 person

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