Yesterday I told a writer, a published author who is good, funny and honest, the thing I’d been thinking all week.
Andra Watkins is strong and unafraid and kind and I can’t wait to read her new book!
I’ve met her and read two of her books already. This one is a little different and she wrote that it had been an idea long ago, finally coming to fruition despite serious medical interruptions and detours.
I finally commented on her FB page.
I told her how seeing her accomplishment made me feel. Told her I was jealous. I told her I was happy for her. I told her I came up with a new word about my feelings. I had decided I was “jAPPY”.
She replied that she knew I would, that I would one day write a book.
Running last night, yes, me running, I decided to remember that I will only not write if it is not for me from God to write.
In that case, it will be okay.
I have written a whole lot already.
I have a crazy real fear that my time will run out. Partly due to the lack of time because of my career and the mental exhaustion it causes, I have only tiny chunks to devote to writing. (This is my reality. This is not whining and not in need of encouraging or worthy comments along the lines of…if it mattered you’d make time.)
This is accepting that space and time will clear in time and if not, well, that change is no longer completely up to me.
The happening or not, I am a smaller part than I wanted to be.
Running towards something, pressing a little farther each time and committing to knowing this is my part, my new dedication, just keeping going.
I begin my day every day with the Jabez prayer. The one that is an imploring of God to make good things happen and to keep them coming, please.
Everyday, I realized today, I am praying for more when I already have so much, God has granted a multitude of what I have asked.
…and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from harm so that it might not bring me pain!” And God granted what he asked. – 1 Chronicles 4:10
I’m a woman raised with very little and along the way I have been given so much, had opportunity to give from all I’ve been given.
The book I thought I might write no longer is the book I believe may come.
The prior was a lament, the future will perhaps only recall the past from which I’ve come; but, will be so much more heavy on hope.
God is moving me from all the past.
God is keeping me from my pain.
It is a necessary blessing.
My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. – Lamentations 3:20-23
The song in my ears while running reminding me that His mercy will not end.
I tapped replay.
His mercy never ends. His plan for me will not be thwarted even if I stumble and get bummed out by my past so hard to forget or agonizing my far away and unattainable to me future.
A mercy song:
His mercy will not end.
His love for me will not be removed.
I will continue in rhythm with His timing, His mercy,
His idea for my book.