The clearing

Hope and Believing

Hope and Believing

Hopefully, full of hope. And Blessed by my believing.

Blessings, unanswered prayers, all the longings of my heart.

Are cherished by a Sovereign and attentive Father who gently, yet persistently desires my trust.

Patiently, watchfully waiting for my trust.

Trust in His best, His time.

Yesterday, I was blessed with clarity.

An unexpected gift in the routine of my day.

A new understanding of Hope…more than a forced emotion I try to convince my doubtful heart and mind to believe in.

Nothing good comes by force. One of my favorite “notes to self”.

Sometimes I force myself to glean understanding from God’s word.

Compulsory reading of scripture, habitual even.

Moving into my day with empty devotion, empty heart.

It’s the times though that we are moved by a word in a new way and we are changed.

We remember. We cherish the clearing.

Hope.

Hope does disappoint. It is planted in our hearts from God.

Romans 5:5

And then a favorite song, heard in a new way on yesterday’s walk.

A song on repeat in my car, my mind…a  solo by me in our choir.

One stanza…just a line.

I listened and in the clearing, I heard.

God hears my imploring, sees my doubts, knows my anxious, analytical heart.

God is concerned with my calamity.

He longs for me to know this. To be changed by this knowing.

And simply, Believe.

“And all the while, you hear each desperate plea and long that we’d have faith to believe.”

Laura Story,  Blessings

Inside Voices

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What if we used our “inside voices”? Not that voice that means, speak softly, don’t yell…the one that would speak the ramblings and longings of our souls. What would it sound like, what would we say?

People call me the voice of reason. I’ve been told I’m a good listener and that I give good, honest advice. It’s really just a culmination of career, life, and lots of alone time thinking that equipped me, I think. Still, I have questions,doubts, conflicts, fears that circle around at times yet linger unspoken. My discontented thoughts are commonplace lately causing me to linger on the pictures in my mind of how my life should be, what I desire.

Desires like writing instead of working; being a mom who stays home; taking time to prepare meals; signing up for art lessons; or on the spur of the moment painting the den…don’t we all want different, better, more?

I envision a redo of the guest room, a loveseat added, bed removed, soft dove colors, a desk, a lamp…all positioned for random glances towards open windows. I dream of this in fact and then get moody knowing I have a job, demanding and valuable. I covet the lives of writers who in my mind, dip rather than hurriedly down coffee in their quiet little, decorator friendly abodes. Don’t we all think other’s lives are exactly as we imagine and so much better than our own?

So, tonight as I walked…cool breeze, amazing soundtrack in my ears…not my typical deeply, soul-searching lyrics; but, happy songs about joy and precious love of God…I was able to switch that mindset from “cannot continue” to ” keep trying, keep trusting, change will come when it should.”

I thought of this scripture (not sure of book, chapter and verse). My God will provide a way out…Will not allow me to be tempted more than I can handle.

What this means to me is….I am still where God wants me. My “for such a time as this” is still this time, this place, this vocation.

And I remind myself, that God knows me and my inside voices of good, bad, moody, dissatisfied, doubtful, and exhausted and that he keeps on loving me and keeps His promises!

Yet, I am confident that I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Psalm 27: 13-14