I can certainly see why people may find faith, trust and surrender to God as futile activities. All require the giving up of control, of engagement in outcome and of the opportunity to collaborate outcomes for our own lives.

Still, I begin my day with God. Some days, though, I’m only midway through and have forgotten the strength of my time.

I falter, seeking again to see things unclear. Just a few minutes every morning, storing up reserves of wisdom, most likely needed for recall by noon. Some days I’m more disciplined, more connected. Some not.

A day can change directions in an instant when doubt, fear, and insecurities take the wheel.

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I’ve begun to read through the Bible this year. I’m up to Chapter 6 of Genesis.  Already, I’m understanding Eve and her choice to eat from the forbidden tree in a new way. I can empathize with Eve, the one responsible for changing the plans of God

What a frighteningly honest admission.

The one who caused our viscious cycle of honoring God only to question God. The first of us,  responsible for all of man, of woman, incapable of resting in the place of not knowing, the place of trust.

Eve was tricked, she rationalized her behavior…how can it be wrong for me to know good from evil, to know what is to come? The words of the serpent made sense. Sometimes make sense to me.

For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:5
Today started strong for me as far as my faith. An engaging lesson, a beautiful song and my pastor’s convicting message.
After lunch though, my mind drifted, couldn’t find rest.  I wondered about this, doubted that.
Moving through afternoon with nothing more than mindless chores towards evening, I decided at dusk to walk.
Reluctantly moving my thoughts, my feet, my mood,  seeking God nevertheless.  My walks are seeking walks. Whether I intend them  to be or not.
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The sky was blue this evening.  Not blue like ocean, bright tiles or happy eyes on freckled face child. The blue was of winter on a Sunday marking the end of the day on the cusp of hopeful next.
I turned to see the sunset from various spots on my path. And it happened. I paused in God’s nearness.
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Then walked on towards home, towards the unknowns of tomorrow.

Its good and its evil, perhaps.

My life in God’s hands.

Content in the reminding.

O’ Lord, in the morning you hear my voice… Psalm 5:3

 

2 thoughts on “Seeking, Walking, Seeing

  1. Thank you Lisa for your honesty, and for your encouragement to start each day with God. While I know the value of doing that I often fail as the busy-ness of life takes over and the time I should have spent alone with God is stolen from me. Some of my hardest days have followed on from my closest times with God, and then I am left wondering how much harder the day might have been had I not started it alone in His presence.

    Like

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